Imperfect Catholic Mama

Dear Wormwood,

With your newest patient being a mother there are certain things you must know; particular weaknesses and areas to target. 

Unfortunately, you have already lost your patient to the Sacrament of matrimony. The graces she will receive from that alone are a strength of the Enemy’s that you must never let her rely on or consider. They are, unfortunately, present in her life regardless now, but if she calls upon that grace it will become even more prominent. 

And if marriage wasn’t bad enough, you then allowed her to fall into having children. Children are one of the Enemy’s strongest weapons in this fight, all innocent and loving, leading parents to self-improvement and virtue. However, they can be used greatly to our advantage if approached correctly. 

For starters, don’t let her enjoy her children. Keep her busy with the housework; the endless piles of laundry and stacks of dishes, the cooking, the tidying, the disgusting bathroom. Convince her that these are her duty and part of her vocation and that she can’t let them slide. If you keep her busy enough with all the duties of running a household she will come to resent her children for inhibiting her ability to do these things. She will get annoyed at their interruptions and will come to see their natural need for unconditional love and attention as being manipulative and difficult. 

So keep her busy. When she does stop the chores to sit with her child, nag her about all the things she needs to do. This is the perfect time to remind her of the wet clothes in the washer, telling her it will only take 2 minutes and then she can come right back to enjoying time with her child. Once she is up and away it will be easier to keep her away, reminding her of a half-dozen other things on the way that need to be done now. Merely tell her once she’s up that the child is placated and she doesn’t need to get back down on the floor, but rather should seize this opportunity to continue the incessant to do list. The less she slows down, the less she laughs and plays with her children, the better. Children’s joy and laughter only reminds mothers of the gift that the Enemy has given them and the blessing that they supposedly are.

In addition to this, when there are those rare moments of silence, say when she is putting a child down for a nap or nursing a baby, be sure to keep her mind preoccupied. Scrolling on her phone is a great way to do this. Tell her that this will recharge her; that it is the break she’s been longing for. Whatever you do, don’t let her seize upon this moment of silence to either talk with the Enemy, asking him for His help in this struggle, or simply enjoy her child, to gaze upon them and remember what a gift they are from the Enemy. This is one of the worst things you can let happen.

You must keep her feeling like her children are a nuisance and annoyance; keeping her from fulfilling her full potential. It is because of her children that she cannot minister to the sick or poor. It is because of her children that she cannot perform the corporal or spiritual works of mercy to those within her community. Make sure she blames her children for everything. This will lead her to resent them and become a victim to motherhood. Once she is a victim, you will have her firmly in your grasp. 

The enemy uses children to draw these humans to Him, through the hard task of parenting. So you must keep your patient’s mind off of the gift of children and on the difficulty and nuisance of children, play up that they are manipulative little creatures. This is easy to do, as the children do most of the work and you need to merely plant the little seeds. When they need something, tell her how ungrateful they are, when they cry, tell her that they are emotionally manipulating her to merely get what they want. Tell her that they are selfish little beings, unworthy of love.

Parents are tired and often at the end of their line. If we are not careful this will draw them farther from us and closer to the Enemy, for they will see they cannot do it on their own and need His grace. However, we can use their fatigue greatly to our own advantage. 

Be sure you frequently remind your patient of how much she is constantly giving and working (which is easy to do when she feels so tired). Remind her how much she deserves a break, how holy she is becoming through her means of doing it all on her own, without asking for or getting help. Keep her isolated from friends and family. Most importantly, don’t let her turn to the Enemy and ask Him for help.

Further my dear Wormwood, one of the greatest weapons you have once your patient has fallen prey to motherhood is what we like to fondly call “mom guilt.”

You can consume your patient by guilt and anxiety, that she is not good enough for her children and not doing enough. If she sits down to play, remind her about the importance of independent play. If she does not sit and play with them, tell her she is neglecting them. Keep her acting always out of guilt, and never intentionally. This way she will be in the palm of your hand and you have full control over her actions by merely the smallest suggestions. 

If she gets to the point of having confidence in her parenting and you struggle to bring on the mom guilt, then be sure to tell her what a great job she is doing. Pridefulness is our greatest weapon of all. Especially in those moms who follow the Church’s teachings on children. While it would be most ideal if couples did not have children at all, if they do, try to keep them to a minimum. However, if you fail to do even that, then the tool of Pride is once again at your disposal. These women merely need frequent reminders of what great Catholics they are for having a big family and how holy they are for being so self-giving. It is in pride that your patient will not call or lean on the Enemy’s grace and help, that she will not trust him to purify her, as she is doing just fine by herself. It is pride, and pride alone, that will keep the mothers striving to love the Enemy in our grasp.

Lastly, a little note regarding this despicable season of Lent. Keep your patient focused on her lack of prayer and penance. Make her feel guilty for not praying the rosary daily, attending Mass frequently, rigorously fasting and so on. Don’t let her focus on the little things, the daily struggles of motherhood. This is exactly what the Enemy wants; not big acts of penance and prayer, but “little things done with great love” (ugh) and constant prayer throughout the day. It is the constancy of prayer and leaning on Him that causes us to lose ground.

Keep her focused on herself, making her wonder what great acts of penance and prayer she needs to do to become holy. Don’t let her focus on the little things of motherhood that the Enemy is placing right in front of her for her purification. Remind her that she does not need His help, that she can do it on her own. Tell her she will be successful through her mighty works and hours of prayer, not through wiping her children’s little faces and showing them unconditional love. Make your patient believe that her sanctification is all due to her; any ground she makes is credited to herself.

Remember all this my dear Wormwood and you will be successful in your assignment.

Your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape