Imperfect Catholic Mama

“The Enemy of the Good is the Perfect.” 

So said a wise man. This has become something I need to constantly remind myself.

It all began almost a year ago when my husband and I were babysitting 5 young children for a family. It had been a particularly rough day: The toddler was stubborn, the 4-year-old was tired, the six-year-old had been bossy, and I had lost my patience with them all more times than I could count. Finally, we had them in bed and collapsed on the couch in exhaustion. It was only 8PM. 

I was run down. I was 5 months pregnant, motherhood was looming before me, and I had just spent the last several hours losing it around little kids. I couldn’t do this! If I couldn’t keep my cool around these kids, who I’d only been around for three hours, how on earth could I do it around my own kids 24/7? I felt like a failure to these children, to my husband, to my unborn child, and to myself. 

Then my husband, holding me close and listening to my tears, gently said, “not doing this perfectly doesn’t mean you failed.” That echoed in my head. 

My whole life I’d been living according to the standard that if I didn’t do something perfectly, I had failed. I was a failure.

When I’d clean the house, and someone would come along and clean it some more, I felt like a failure. 

When I’d train the horses, but they still needed more training, I felt like a failure. 

When I didn’t get a job as an outdoor leader, which I’d been working towards for over two years, I felt like a failure. 

When I’d babysit children and lose my patience, I felt like a failure.

When I do something imperfectly, I feel like a failure. 

But then my husband shook my world with that one little phrase. Doing something imperfectly does not negate the good I’ve done, and it does not mean I failed or that I am a failure. Or, as I like to say: 

Not perfect does not equal failure

I did not perfectly clean the house, but what I did was still good. I didn’t fail. 

I did not perfectly train the horses, but what I did was still good. I’m not a failure. 

I was not the perfect outdoor leader, but I was still good. I hadn’t failed.

I am not the perfect caregiver, but I am still good. I am not failing. 

A year later, this little phrase has born this blog. And the name of this blog not only reminds me that ‘not perfect does not equal failure’ but also who I am. 

I am an imperfect Catholic mama, striving for perfection, though not failing simply because I have yet to attain it. 

We are not defined by what we do or even how we do it. Our identity comes down to who we are, the part of us which does not change with time, that is not made up of accidentals, such as changing attributes, likes, or dislikes.

For me, who I am comes down to five things: Daughter of God, Catholic, Woman, Wife, and mother. Or, in a condensed way that captures all of those: a Catholic mom. And an imperfect one at that. 

“The enemy of the good is the perfect,” said Voltaire. Desiring perfection is not bad. We are called to sainthood. We should desire to do things better and better. However, if we get caught up in doing things perfectly, we miss the good we have done and get absorbed in feeling like a failure to those around us and (more importantly) ourselves. Missing the bullseye does not mean we miss the target. And missing the target does not change who we are. When I lose my patience with my husband or daughter, it does not change the fact that I am still a wife and mother. I may not do something perfectly, but I can still do it well. And when I fail to even do something good, that doesn’t make me a failure in life. It just reminds me who I am: An imperfect mama that needs God’s grace. 

And so, welcome to The Imperfect Catholic Mama. This is the first of many imperfect posts to come. I hope you’ll return to read my scribblings on my imperfect birth story, explorations on imperfectly raising imperfect children, our perfect identity in an imperfect world, perfect emotions but imperfect behavior, and more. All while seeking the good despite our imperfections and not getting caught up in the little ways we are not perfect. Yet. As well as remembering that what I do and how I do it does not change who I am.

That not perfect does not equal failure.